In an unprecedented and historical move today Ski Utah announced that an anonymous donor had gifted upon the city a sum of money to be used solely for the purpose of a gigantic statue of the beloved Ski Utah Yeti mascot. The Yeti is rumored to be a 30-story, fully-animatronic statue, made from imported ivory and authentic yak fur. It will wave its welcome to residents and tourists alike year round, and reportedly fist pump and twerk whenever it snows.
Speculation about the identity of the donor is running wild, ranging from local Yeti enthusiasts Ramp Sports to Ty Burrell, famous Modern Family actor and of recent local Beer Bar fame, and even to the cast of “Finding Bigfoot”.
Interviews with Utah’s incredibly wonderful 14 world class ski resorts show unanimous support. Solitude is avidly seeking the donor’s identity, anxious to see if a giant eagle statue would supplement the Yeti. Brian Head noted they’re most excited for the signage the Yeti will hold in its massive fist, a central sign post indicating the direction and distance to each resort in multi-color led lights.
The Downtown Alliance is also showing full support and plans to place the completed statue by the Gateway. Says Communications Director Nick Como, “This is great for Salt Lake. We already had the ‘This is the Place’ monument. Now we have an equally impressive way to announce ‘This is the place for powder.’”
Perhaps the greatest excitement about the statue is coming from local residents. The announcement that Green Bike will add a station by the Yeti with bikes that have a horizontal holding mechanism for skis and snowboards has local athletes even more enthused. “First I wanted to simply climb up the Yeti,” says avid mountaineer Brody Leven (who today announced his exciting and rather appropriate name change), “But now I also look forward to taking the bike to bus to ski transportation I’ve made a famous part of the Utah culture.”
The Yeti is scheduled to be completed by May 17, barring any difficulties with importing the 750 tons of required materials from the most remote corners of the world. “I don’t think we’ll have any problems,” says Nick Como. “I mean, how hard can it be?”
To gain publicity for the statue, Ski Utah will be hosting the First Annual Running of the Yaks on 300 S. this Saturday, April 5. Residents will be able to participate in the shearing, and Caputo’s restaurant will be serving complimentary gourmet yak pate and yak cheese to all participants.
See you there.