Step 2 Après-Ski Life: Surviving Ski Movie Premiere Season

By King of Après Sep 15, 2016
Step 2 in Après-Adam's 12-Step Program for Après-Ski Season: Surviving Ski Movie Premiere Season
Step 2 Après-Ski Life: Surviving Ski Movie Premiere Season

It’s after Labor Day. Summer is essentially over. You've probably used up most of your vacation days. Your bike is broken. The weather is becoming more temperamental. You’re taking less risks, because you’ve already jinxed yourself by declining the $20 season pass insurance. And while there's some great fall foliage to ‘Gram, fall is a strange time between summer and winter when a lot of us start killing time until the snow starts falling.

It's also the start of Après-Ski Conditioning Season. With approximately eleven weeks until the start of the season here in Utah, it’s crunch time. Lucky for you, I, Après Adam, have created a simple, 12-Step Après-Ski Conditioning Program to help get you in the best après-ski shape of your life! Happ-è Après! Now let’s get started:

Now that we’ve learned the valuable lesson of earning your après in Step 1: “Trail Running and a Warm Beer.” 

It’s time for Step 2: “Surviving Ski Movie Premiere Season.”

Ski Movie Premiere Season is upon us. It’s that time of year when we watch ski movie trailers and set completely unrealistic goals for the upcoming winter. We start to daydream of all the rowdy lines and new tricks we'll master this season at our local hill. This is when we plan that perfect road trip where we slay pow, befriend some welcoming local rippers that show us their private stashes, we après like kings, and meet the guys and/or girls of our dreams that skis and parties harder than we do.

But Ski Movie Premiere Season should not be taken lightly. This is the closest thing you'll find to actual après-skiing until mid-November.

And I'm here to help get you ready the following 12-step program to surviving ski movie premieres:

Step 1: Find out when and where local premieres are being held. Assess the après-film opportunities (après-tunities?):

Lucky for us, Ski Utah compiled a list of ski and snowboard premieres here. Put them on your calendar and make sure to attend as many as your schedule, budget, or significant other will allow.

Here are a few of Après-Adam’s favorites, along with some tips on how to make the most of the après-tunities:

Après Adam Tip: This a brand new event sponsored by Powder Magazine and Newschoolers. It’s an all-day film, music and ski culture festival in downtown SLC. There’s rumored to be great deals on ski gear, athlete signings, a rail jam and more.  

I’m excited to check out the world premieres of Good Company’s “Vice Versa” and 4FRNT’s “Here and Now.” Both feature some of the best local skiers and filmers. The latest film from Level 1, “Pleasure,” is said to be one of their best films yet. “Be Inspired” and Tanner Hall’s two-year project, “Ring the Alarm.” both from Inspired Media, should be insane.

This is an all day festival with multiple films and performances, pace yourself.

  • September 22: "Tight Loose" by TGR. Red Butte Amphitheater

Après Adam Tip: The Red Butte location is B.Y.O.B.. Thus, it’s a great opportunity to class up your après game. Stop by Old Town Cellars, "the Official Wine of Après," in Park City for a picnic basket complete with a Beltex Meat and Cheese board, Red Bicycle “Crack Bread”, Ritual Chocolate, and a couple of bottles of Mountain Town White or Rosé . Throw it in a backpack or picnic basket and you’re guaranteed to stand out amongst the sea of PBR’s and Fritos.

  • October 7: "Ruin & Rose" by MSP Films. Jim Santy Auditorium, Park City. 

Après Adam Tip: They sell wine, beer and popcorn (with every kind of popcorn seasoning imaginable) at the concession stand.There’s no official after-party listed for the event, but I’d make my way to No Name with a quick stop at High West for a Dead Man’s Boots on the way. Dance party at Bistro 412 after.

October 14-15: "Here There and Everywhere" by Warren Miller. Abravanel Hall.

Après Adam Tip: Bring a flask. That plus the free lift ticket vouchers make all Warren Miller movies worth attending. After party: Downtown SLC. Exact location TBD.

Step 2: PBR and Fireball

Stop what you’re doing and chug a PBR Tall Boy and chase it with a shot of Fireball. It’s what you do at ski movie premieres and you need to practice.

Step 3: Pick out your best flannel and beanie combo.

This is the official attire of ski movie premieres. If it’s still hot out, wear shorts. If it’s cold, pair it with jeans and flips flops. If it’s snowing, wear shorts anyway and pretend not to notice the cold.

Step 4: Practice your pickup lines on grandma

In order to pick up that hot skier girl or guy you've been stalking on Instagram all summer, try practicing your best pickup lines on your grandparents, some mannequins at the mall, those fake Tinder profiles and anyone else that you really have no shot with. You need to be immune to the rejection that surely awaits.

Step 5: Buy all of the ski movies on iTunes or Vimeo

The skiers and filmers work incredibly hard on these films. Help support the ski film industry and throw a few dollars their way. The equivalent of one drink at the premiere will supply with hours of inspiration and a backup plan when your apres-ski pickup lines don't work and you wind up going home alone… again.

Après Adam Tip: You’ll want to watch these before or after the premiere. Sound like an expert by yelling “this next shot is so sick.” People will love you for telling them what is going to happen next. If you waited until the premiere to see the movie for the first time, make sure to re-watch the movie alone in bed the morning after the premiere. Speaking from experience, you won't remember a single segment of the movie from the premiere.

Step 6: Get a Townie Bike

Bar-biking is a great way to get some exercise on the way to a premiere. You’ll save some money and, more importantly, look like you care about the environment.

Après Adam Tip: Make sure your Townie is worthy of bar-biking. A few years ago, I was bar-biking to a premiere in Salt Lake when I decided to jump a flight of stairs on my Townie. I got a flat and was forced to walk the bike to the premiere. I chained it up, went inside, and forgot about the flat until it was time to head home. I wound up riding home on my rim for three miles.

Step 7: Practice swag/shwag/schwag grabs with kids

Go to the local park or elementary school and challenge kids to a game of 500 or Flyers-Up. Then fine tune your technique to ensure you get that free t-shirt at the next premiere.

Après Adam Tip: Practice tripping, pushing, throwing elbows, whatever it takes to ensure that you don’t leave the premiere without that XXL t-shirt from Clif Bar.

Step 8: Pony up for the raffle

Always buy a raffle ticket. The raffle always takes forever and can be pure hell to sit through without an entry.  If it’s for a charity, buy at least two raffle tickets. Zero tickets would be bad karma, and buying one almost makes you look worse than buying none.

Step 9: Take $100 out of your wallet and flush it down the nearest toilet.

From my own personal experience, you'll inevitably wind up buying $7 shots of Fireball for your friends, your favorite pros and that guy/girl that you’ve been Insta-stalking all summer. You’ll probably do this more than once. The end result will leave with $100 poorer and with a pounding headache from the Fireball the following morning. Try to numb yourself to this feeling beforehand.

Après Adam Tip: Don't be this guy: 

Step 10: Plan on making a night of it

The best part of ski movie premiere season is catching up with friends and talking about skiing. This takes place before the movie. Premieres aren’t just about the movie. It’s an experience. The movie itself is just a halftime show to give the bartenders, and your liver, a break. Remember to pace yourself. The real partying doesn't even take place at the venue where the movie is being shown. It’s usually at a dive bar or someone’s downtown condo. So pace yourself. Warning: This is a lot easier said than done.

Step 11: Enjoy Responsibly 

Don’t drink and drive. Take public transportation, ride your townie, carpool, take an Uber. Plan to apres and make a plan to get home. Do this all season. You can’t road trip without a driver’s license. Missing first tracks because you can’t drive to the hill is worse.

Apres-Adam tip: If you don’t pace yourself appropriately, Uber charges $150 if you get sick in one of their cars. Taxis typically don’t. Just FYI.

Step 12: Après Like a Champion Today!

The real reason we attend ski premieres is to be with people that share our passion for winter sports. We could easily rent the latest movies on iTunes and watch it at home where the beers are a lot cheaper. But that would mean missing out on one of the season's first excuses to apres. Ski movie premieres bring everyone together in one big apres-session before the season starts and real life obligations get in the way.

This is the first opportunity to share a celebratory drink with our close friends and complete strangers while we exaggerate our past achievements and brag about future adventures that may or may not come to fruition.

Isn’t that what apr
ès-skiing is all about?