Hide Your Couches: The 5 Golden Rules of Surfing

Rule #1 – Make Friends

In the case that you are crashing at a friend’s place, introduce yourself to all of the roommates upon arrival. Nobody likes a rando-commando crashing on his or her couch. When you do find a place, make sure to invite your previous hosts over for a dinner party or small get-together. That way, you can be like “Hey! Look at me, I’m not actually homeless!”

Rule #2 – Leave No Trace

Leave your belongings where they won’t get in anyone’s way. If you brought a vehicle, leave your stuff in there. Basements and garages are also appropriate stash spots. Be the first one to wake up so you can turn your bedroom back into the living room. Shouldn’t you be out looking for jobs and a place to live anyway? Sheesh.

Rule #3 – Housekeeping

Unless your host adamantly refuses your service during Occupy: Couch, it might be a good idea to help out around the house. Sweeping is always an option. Perhaps the house needs more toilet paper? Making beds and leaving mints on pillows might get a little weird, but hey, there’s only one way to find out!

Rule #4 – Cook Something Tasty

Monitor the eating habits of your temporary roommates to come up with a meal everyone will enjoy. Take a peek in the fridge if you need to, just don’t touch anything…hippie. If the roommates are in-and-out all day, you could go with an old standby; pizza, burgers, maybe some chicken fettuccine alfredo if you feel like getting fancy.  

Rule #5 – Leave On A Good Note

Do not overstay your welcome. It’s better to leave before any tension arises. You are a guest, not a permanent fixture. Leave your crash pad with a handwritten note, paired with a stack of chocolate chip cookies or mid-shelf whiskey. Stay away from the top-shelf, you might need the cash once you lose your job and housing because of too many ‘sick days’.

Good luck out there,

                        -Park Rat Tom